It's Almost Begun...

Let me just say, I have this dream of having one of those super cute and well constructed blogs, but more and more I am finding that dream to be a little unrealistic. This blog thing is so complex! But, I think the truth really is that, I am not blog (and while I'm at it) technologically savvy at all. Despite my lack of blog knowledge I do, in fact, know how to post an entry, which is perhaps the most important part. And thus, I decided it's time to write my first little post before my adventure to England begins.

The past month I've been feeling many different emotions as my time in England approaches. While I am looking forward to Capernwray and the things God is going to do in me there, I am also sad to see a chapter of my life coming towards a close. Jack Johnson says in one of his songs "this moment keeps on moving, we were never meant to hold on". I find this to be so true of life, its always on the move and sometimes your just not quite ready to go along. For some reason, despite my constant craving for adventure, I am finding myself resisting change in my life now more than ever. I don't want to let go of now, because I don't know what happens next. I'm so hesitant to turn the page. It is a terrifying thought to think about leaving the comfort of my home, stepping onto a plane to travel across a vast ocean to an unfamiliar place, filled with unfamiliar faces (although the adorable accents don't bother me at all!). The unknown is the kind of fear that honestly just cripples me. I know England is where I am supposed to be for the next nine months. I don't know why and I don't understand the timing but I do know that it is perfect. I was talking with a friend today about leaving and she described my time at Capernwray as a precious gift that the Lord is placing in my hands. I just need to untie the ribbon and open it. This is such beautiful imagery to me. The Lord has provided nine months for me to simply sit at His feet and drink deeply from His Word. If that is not a gift, I don't know what is.

I fear, but God is peace. I wonder, but God is truth. These things I know, and I wish so badly knowing meant believing. To rest in these truths only comes as result of trust and surrender, which both stem from belief. My prayer has been, and is that the Spirit would take the dimness of my soul away and help my unbelief. That I would embrace this gift I am about to receive with confidence in His purposes.

I believe James 1:17 completes my thought exactly.

"Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change."