Almost Time

While time has seemed to move at an extremely slow pace the past few weeks, it's almost time to leave England for the Holidays. It has been a great first term at Capernwray. I have learned so much, seen so much and met some most exceptional people but I am certainly ready for some time at home. This Thursday morning I will getting up at the particularly unfriendly hour of 5AM, catching my train to Manchester airport and flying out at 10. My friend Nicole and I are on the same flight to Chicago so it will be nice to have a travel buddy. I can handle the whole traveling alone thing, but it's certainly nice to have someone to share the stress of lugging around two large suitcases with. I thought I just might be able to get everything back in one suitcase, but that dream died quickly. What am I to do? bring home one suitcase and deprive people back home of tea cakes, christmas pudding and chocolate bars? I don't think so. Our room is officially a disaster with everyone half packed, but it will all get done I'm sure. 

Ok. Back to life for now.

I'll be saying "hello" to you all face to face soon!

Cheers.

I feed your words through my button holes, I pin them to my fingerless gloves.

I woke up to snow on the ground Saturday morning. It only snowed about a centimeter, but it was snow nonetheless and the forecast indicated to expect more later in the week. Sunday night as I was chatting on the phone with my mom a few girls came in with shouts and screams of excitement “it’s snowing!” Oh, what glorious words in my ears. I ran and peeked outside and found lovely little white snowflakes falling from the sky. The snow fell consistently for several hours and by the end of the night we had three inches of snow! There is just something very magical and beautiful about snow, especially in England. I feel as though everything is ten times more charming here. Anyway, yesterday I went trudging through the snow listening to Christmas music and taking pictures of the winter wonderland before all the magic melted away. Goodness, I felt like I was living in a Christmas card, or a photograph. I live in such a beautiful place. 
 

Thanksgiving was last week. It was hard not to become homesick thinking of everyone returning to their homes to be with family and friends, and gathering around a table full of home cooked food. And while I missed being home on Thanksgiving day, I felt such joy, peace and contentment that was clearly from Jesus. He has given me family here at Capernwray and it was sweet to celebrate the day with them. I am so grateful for this place, these people and the beauty that surrounds me. Thanks to the amazing and kind staff of cooks, we had an absolutely delicious Thanksgiving dinner, complete with turkey, mashed potatoes and gravy, cranberry sauce, green bean casserole, carrots, dinner roles and apple pie for dessert. After dinner we played Capture the flag, Indians vs. Pilgrims style. I was an indian, and we won... naturally. Finally, we ended the day watching A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving. Really, what better way to end the day? The whole day was just grand, and now that it's over I can officially celebrate the Christmas season! Although I started listening to music the second week of November.

On Friday some friends and I went to see Harry Potter 7 part 1 in Lancaster. I'm not a die hard HP fan, but I can certainly still appreciate it. I have to say, it was a cool experience to be in England watching Harry Potter, almost surreal, but not quite. The third Chronicles of Narnia comes out December 9th, and that will be my next visit to the movie theatre. I am so looking forward to it.

I cannot believe that in sixteen days, I will be on a plane flying home. I am already planning a Christmas party, thinking of goodies to bake and presents to give... but most of all, I am just excited to be going home and seeing the people I love. There is truly no place like home for the holidays. But, until then there are more glorious English days to enjoy.

cheers!

Just Try to Grow

To grow is to go beyond what you are today.

stand up as yourself.

do not imitate.

Do not pretend to have achieved your goal, and do not try to cut corners.

Just try to grow.

-Svami Prajnanpad

I discovered this quote recently and thought it to relate quite well to what I'm learning in life right now.

One thing the Lord has been teaching me over the past year of my life and even more so here is the excellence of being a unique person knitted together especially by him. The brilliance in that I am me, and that is a role which no one else can play. I have been given a specific personality, specific gifts, abilities, passions and desires all for a grand divine purpose in this world. This is just so beautiful, yet so often I still view myself as a negative contrast to others. I don't even realize how much I compare myself in a day; always wanting to exchange what God has specifically given me for someone else's personality, abilities, gifts, passion. But the thing is this: Jesus loves us for who we are, not for who we want to be. I need to grow to view myself the way Jesus does and to embrace the fullness of being the person he created me to be. I do not want to grow to be someone I think I should be, I want to grow more to be the person I already am-further in my gifts, abilities, passions and desires. I believe that "to go beyond what you are today" means to take all that you are and push further in it everyday. To strive to be a better you everyday in Jesus. Whatever you’re good at, be excellent. Whatever drives you in life, pursue it. Whoever you are be true to yourself. Just try to grow.

Now on more practical notes in life... here's what I've been up to:

Travels.

Edinburgh, Scotland: Two weeks ago we had our travel weekend and I went to Edinburgh. It was brilliant fun, of course there were mishaps along the way like forgetting my winter coat and bringing the wrong pair of shoes to walk all over Scotland in, but it's all a learning experience right? The first night we were there we went to a pub for Scottish Storytelling, which was such a fun unique experience. Sometimes I cannot believe the things I am getting to see, do, and experience. I mean, how many people get to hear Scottish tales at a hole in the wall pub in Edinburgh?

The second day we did a lot of touristy stuff. I did the Edinburgh castle tour, which was pricey but completely worth my money. The castle is on a giant hill so you get an excellent view of the whole city from the top. Later in the day the guys wanted to watch the football game (football as in soccer) so we all piled in a pub, ordered some grub and watched us some football, although I was personally more intrigued by conversation rather than soccer. Ha, oops.

My last day in Scotland was probably my favorite day. We went to the Sunday morning church service at St. Giles Cathedral, which was another really unique experience. After service I went and had a latte at the Elephant House, the "birthplace of Harry Potter". If I got another chance, I would spend a whole day there drinking coffee and reading a good book. The atmosphere was so cozy and inspirational. After the Elephant House my friend Katie and I went off to eat at a Mexican restaurant we had been dreaming about, which succeeded both of our expectations in full. I miss Mexican food. After lunch we spent the afternoon roaming in and out of fun little shops. I especially loved those along Grassmarket street. They were so artsy fartsy and cute- I could have spent hours rummaging around, studying the different artistic approaches and letting my creative juices flow. The rest of my day was filled with more exploring around the city, a gelato splurge, sitting in Starbucks reading [and falling in love with hibiscus tea], and my last evening in Edinburgh was completed with listening to a fun little group play at a Jazz Bar. I loved experiencing and exploring Edinburgh, and I look forward to more adventures in the world soon!

At the top of the castle

 Beautiful view of the city

 Here it is, friends. 

Harry's beginning.

A little piece of Mexico, all the way in the UK.

And still, delicious. 

Liverpool.

Yesterday I went to Liverpool for the day, also known as the land of the Beatles! I got a sweet Beatles t-shirt and other goodies for people back home. The souvenir shop had a Starbucks connected to it and I finally got to enjoy the satisfaction of a chai and gingerbread latte. It’s my favorite drink of the Holiday season. After we got our coffee we set off to find the Cavern Club, where the Beatles had their first gig ever! It was really fun to look around inside and take pictures. Everyone was giving us funny looks, but I didn’t really care. It’s good to embrace your touristy side. For lunch we went to “Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds” café. It was so precious…and delicious, too! I ate a ham and cheese “toastie”, which is basically like a grilled sandwich. It was very satisfying. The rest of the day we just walked around and did some shopping and ate an early dinner at another café. It’s always so good for my soul to get out and explore. I love being an explorer. Originally, I really wanted to go to Strawberry Fields and Penny Lane, but it turns out those streets are outside of the city and you have to either take the tour bus or a taxi to get there. So, considering we didn’t have much time we decided we would go back another day to do that. They also had all of their Christmas lights up and I would love to go back and stay later in the evening to experience that. I bet it’s absolutely magical.

 Roommate love. latte love.

I love the little things we discover in life.

 Button Street. 

 Cavern club. The Beatles rocked that stage.

English sunsets = the best.

Other stuff...

School has been going well, but I am getting increasingly more busy with assignments and reading and such. Christmas break will be a much needed time to relax, and it is exactly one month away! I am so excited. I keep thinking of how wonderful it will be to walk through those doors and see my sweet family. It will be a very happy moment in my life. The closer Christmas approaches, the more anxious I am to get home, yet God has purposes for me right here and now and that is something to embrace. 

I mentioned in my last post about the possible opportunity to go to Africa in the spring. Well, I applied and found out a few weeks ago that I am part of the team! My heart is just beaming with excitement and joy. I cannot wait to grow in Jesus there and to love his precious people in Kenya. There are many details that are yet to be worked out with finances and such but I just know God is going to take care of my team and I and provide for us abundantly. This verse in Ephesians has been a great comfort and encouragement to me, "Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen" (Eph. 3:20-21). 

Hopefully I can write another update soon! 

Love to you friends.

Swelling Up With Adoration

This week our guest speaker has been a remarkable man who goes by the name Robert Amess. Robert is an amazingly humble man, and he is truly gifted in communicating God’s profound Word to others. We have been studying the book of Hebrews with him and I must say that as I study this book, my awareness of the Lord’s compassion grows deeper. Tonight before we began lectures we sang Oh Come Let Us Adore Him and beneath the layers of familiarity of this old hymn God shared with me something sweet and unknown- that the desire of His heart is for my adoration. The more I study the Scripture and learn about the heart of this Jesus, the more my heart swells up in adoration for Him. 

This week I had my first outreach with the homeless. My outreach team goes out every other Monday from 5-9pm to serve alongside a ministry dedicated to loving the homeless community in Lancaster, which is about a half hour away from Carnforth. Once we arrive in Lancaster we first prepare the food and spend time worshipping and praying over our time of outreach. Then we pack all of the food up and bring it to the city fountain where our friends wait for us. The people are all so kind. I was very humbled and blessed by them. Stephen was one of the first guys I talked to and he is so sweet. He asked me what my job was back in the States before I moved and I told him that I babysat for a family. Stephen then proceeded to ask if I had children…haha. When I told him no and that I was only eighteen years old, he came over and hugged me saying “oh! She’s just a little baby!” I wish you could know the kindness of Stephen, he has such a big heart.

I also talked with a lady named Laura who shared with me a lot about her life and especially her teenage son, who is living with her mother currently. I don’t know all of the circumstances but I do know that Laura’s heart is broken. She loves and misses her son very much. I was so blessed by her honesty and she gave me the biggest hug before she left. Sometimes I get overwhelmed thinking about how to reach out to people like the homeless, but I learned that it’s really very simple. Reaching out is to share life with them, it’s offering nourishment, a listening ear and open arms.

So often I approach missions and outreach with the mindset that I will bless others, but actually they end up blessing me so much more. Please pray for my friends in Lancaster- that their hearts would be softened and that they would know the compassion and love Christ has for them.

Another note on outreach, the second term of winter school we have our 10-day outreach. There is an opportunity for ten students to go to Africa and I went to a meeting on Friday to get more information. The application process is quite fast. We get the applications tomorrow and are to turn them in by this Friday. Please pray for me as I pursue this opportunity- that God would give me peace and affirmation if it is His will for me to go to Africa.

To be completely honest, the last two weeks have been very wearying. I have been feeling so burdened and at times, very alone here. Yes, I am living in England next to a castle, surrounded my beautiful plush green pastures and wonderfully kind people, not to mention access to delicious European pastries, but the truth is, life still happens here. Bad days still occur in my life, and good days just the same. The frustrations of terrible Internet connection and the difficulty to get in touch with those back home [and in South Korea] has been a large contributor to the loneliness I feel at times. I long for the refreshment and joy of hearing those familiar voices and seeing their sweet faces, and its so frustrating to be limited in resources to get in touch with them. I suppose I’m a homebody away from home, and it’s starting to get uncomfortable. But if there is one thing I can attest to time and time again, it’s the compassion of Christ. He knows what I am feeling completely and he meets me in my need. I love the fact that Jesus came and dwelled among us as a man and that he felt human emotion. He is not a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses. I was so touched by this over the course of the past week- to know that I am known and understood by the Lord, and completely. I am loved and provided for in my weakness. I can’t help but adore Jesus. When I am far from home, His presence is with me. I pray that He would make my heart sensitive to know and to feel it.

Psalm 139: 5-12 says “You hem me in, behind and before, and lay your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is high; I cannot attain it. Where shall I go from your Spirit? Or where shall I flee from your presence? If I ascend to heaven, you are there! If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there! If I take the wings of the morning and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, even there your right hand shall hold me. If I say, ‘surely the darkness shall cover me, and the light about me be night,’ even darkness is not dark to you; the night is bright as the day, for darkness is as light with you.”

The trees are starting to lose their leaves and weather here in England has begun to get much colder. I can’t even imagine colder weather, but I know it’s coming. Thank goodness for our heater, Ernest, hot tea, sweaters and blankets. They make the cold seem cozy and so very lovely. I hope you are doing well, friends. I do certainly miss you all and look forward to seeing you at Christmas time.

One Weeks Time

Hello darling friends,

Goodness? Where should I began? I have been here at Capernwray for one week now, which I find to be incredibly strange. I feel as though it was forever ago. I have come so far since my last blog entry. No literally! I am living in England!

I wanted to write a little update to inform you not only about my journey here, but also the newest developments in life here at Capernwray. To begin, when I boarded my plane I found my seat to be next to this little old lady. She seemed to be so sweet and cute, but she was actually really sarcastic and a bit of a pessimist. I found it to be quite funny, actually and I believe we formed a special bond. She was like my little grandma on the plane. She helped me open my orange juice and yogurt and all sorts of things. When we landed in London this dear old british man helped me get my heavy backpack down from the overhead bin, and as he handed it over he said, "don't foll ova" in his wonderful accent. I ended up chatting with him and his wife all the way to customs. They made me feel so welcome and at home here. It's sweet the ways God blesses you through people! There was a bit of trouble with customs... don't laugh but I forgot my acceptance letter to school at home, so they didn't exactly believe I was a genuine student at first. It was the scariest moment of my life, but do not fear! I won them over in the end ;).

I boarded my next flight to manchester with much anticipation, and as the pilot announced the ten degree weather it hit me, I had arrived. And yes, it felt just as cold as it was.

I fought for bravery riding the train from Manchester to Carnforth. The change I had been hesitating for so long was about to become more real than ever before. Yet, I cannot begin to explain the provision and faithfulness of our great God. I was continually reminded of the word dwell. When we dwell in God, when we make him our resting place and open ourselves to receive His comfort, surely His peace will sustain us and keep us fast. 

"He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will abide in the shadow of the Almighty... Because you have made the Lord your dwelling place- the Most High, who is my refuge- no evil shall be allowed to befall you, no plague come near your tent. For He will command His angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways." -Psalm 91:1 & 9-11

God's faithfulness has kept me fast.

On another note, my roommates are great. I have six of them and we live under the conference hall (not in the castle, but we are still cool). Kristin, Kaiya and Maddie are from the States, and then Kat, Brie and Naomi are from Canada. We are all so different, but we are also very closely knit as a room. One of the great things about living under the Conference Hall is that its so warm. Our lovely heater, who we call Ernest, keeps us very warm. Sometimes we just go and form a circle around Ernest, and if you close your eyes and put some imagination in your thoughts it's almost as if you are cozied up by the fire :).

The Wiggleworths. Not only do I have amazing roommates but an amazing Family Group here at Capernwray. Our last name is the Wiggleworths. My leaders are Esther (or "Gran" as we call her), Carolyn and Kuan. They are the sweetest, fun-loving, people ever. Esther is the grandmother to everyone here at Cape. She lives in a cottage called Green Pastures about three miles from school and invites students over anytime for tea or to bake cookies. Everyone who asks me whose family group I am in is so jealous when I say Grandma Esther. She is just that special. Friday night my family group had a fondue party and played games. It was such a delight, and I am looking forward to the fun times to come!

Going places, seeing things:

On Wednesday we took a minibus into Carnforth and adventured around. I purchased a loaf of homemade tea bread and homemade strawberry jam from a local, and then we spent most of our time at Edelweiss Cafe drinking lattes and eating pastries! It is the cutest place, and a little piece of Austria here in England. I had apple strudel with custard, and I really cannot describe the happiness and delight that had come upon my heart as I put that first bite in my mouth. It was heaven. I will definitely be going back there for a visit soon.

Every weekend the school hosts a Saturday trip somewhere, and this weekend it was to the Lakes District. We took a bus there, and then walked about two hours from one area to the other. We ended up in this cute little mountain town, which looked like a mini Colorado in England. I thought of you, Stiles! When we got into town, I ran into the first coffee shop in sight and ordered a chai latte. Oh my word, it was divine! I miss chai lattes, and pretzels... but that's just random.

Today we had church and it was a really great service. I talked and prayed with one of my roommates after service and it was a really sweet time. After I got back to my room I read and fell asleep for a good hour and a half. It was a glorious and much needed nap. I just love Sundays, and that they exist for the purpose of rest. 

Well, my friends, that is the latest and greatest from life here in England. It's been an adventure and a challenge, and as I await the days, weeks and months to come, my heart beats in tune with this prayer that one of the advisors here at Capernwray prayed over us just the other day.

"Lord, help us to know that from the top of our heads to the soles of our feet, that we are loved and that you are not only in us, but you are for us and that whatever the emotions bubbling inside our hearts, that you are enough. Jesus, you are enough for us."

Love you guys,
Shea

It's Almost Begun...

Let me just say, I have this dream of having one of those super cute and well constructed blogs, but more and more I am finding that dream to be a little unrealistic. This blog thing is so complex! But, I think the truth really is that, I am not blog (and while I'm at it) technologically savvy at all. Despite my lack of blog knowledge I do, in fact, know how to post an entry, which is perhaps the most important part. And thus, I decided it's time to write my first little post before my adventure to England begins.

The past month I've been feeling many different emotions as my time in England approaches. While I am looking forward to Capernwray and the things God is going to do in me there, I am also sad to see a chapter of my life coming towards a close. Jack Johnson says in one of his songs "this moment keeps on moving, we were never meant to hold on". I find this to be so true of life, its always on the move and sometimes your just not quite ready to go along. For some reason, despite my constant craving for adventure, I am finding myself resisting change in my life now more than ever. I don't want to let go of now, because I don't know what happens next. I'm so hesitant to turn the page. It is a terrifying thought to think about leaving the comfort of my home, stepping onto a plane to travel across a vast ocean to an unfamiliar place, filled with unfamiliar faces (although the adorable accents don't bother me at all!). The unknown is the kind of fear that honestly just cripples me. I know England is where I am supposed to be for the next nine months. I don't know why and I don't understand the timing but I do know that it is perfect. I was talking with a friend today about leaving and she described my time at Capernwray as a precious gift that the Lord is placing in my hands. I just need to untie the ribbon and open it. This is such beautiful imagery to me. The Lord has provided nine months for me to simply sit at His feet and drink deeply from His Word. If that is not a gift, I don't know what is.

I fear, but God is peace. I wonder, but God is truth. These things I know, and I wish so badly knowing meant believing. To rest in these truths only comes as result of trust and surrender, which both stem from belief. My prayer has been, and is that the Spirit would take the dimness of my soul away and help my unbelief. That I would embrace this gift I am about to receive with confidence in His purposes.

I believe James 1:17 completes my thought exactly.

"Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change."